Standing on the Wrong Rug

As many of you know my husband has Cystic Fibrosis (CF), over the last two years we have been beyond blessed to have been able to be a part a research study that is supposed to help correct the faulty CFTR gene. Although the new medication did not do as intended, it still has shown improvement in the lung function of CF patients with the DF508 gene.   The fact that Jake was even on the study was one of the most indescribable gifts from God. As a patient of the Dallas CF clinic our phone calls and emails about enrolling in the study two years ago, were to left unanswered. As the enrollment date came and went, it was evident that we were not going to be a part of the study.  I am not going to lie, I was distraught. I had inadvertently placed my faith in the study instead of God.  I though if we can just get him on these drugs to fix his gene than I can hold on to him, my husband, the father of my children for longer. We can delay the inevitable decline in his health, and I can continue to live in denial that our life is "normal."

But God had other plans.... the following week I received a phone call from a number that I did not know, for some strange reason I answered it. The lady identified herself as a research coordinator from the Fort Worth CF clinic. After a few seconds of silence and confusion she stated that she had received my number and that she heard my husband was looking to enroll in the drug study for the DF508 gene. Although I hated to, I reluctantly explained that Jake was not a patient of the Fort Worth Clinic, that we were patients of the Dallas clinic, and as of six months ago the fort worth clinic did not take our insurance, as we had tried to transfer over there earlier that year. She informed me that she double checked and they now  not only took our insurance but, they had one opening for the study. We would need to come by in the morning and if He met the inclusion criteria, he would in fact be able to participate in the study. There is no way to put it into words what that kind of grace feels like. Undeserved, impossible, and down for the count. But, God does the impossible, he changes our circumstances and revels his mercy and grace to us.  This is my parting of the Red Sea, after the 10 plagues. This is were my God showed up in a big way.  But just as the Israelite's did, I lost sight and started complaining in the wilderness.

The current study will finish in August, and my new prayer was to do be able to be a part of the next study for the DF508 gene. The new study was supposed to have better improvements in lung function and overall health. Over this weekend, Jake informed me that the enrollment already started, and because he was still on the current study he would not be able to enroll. I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. Again, placing my hope in something other than God. Instantly, I felt gut wrenching sorrow for what this medication could have done for my husband. I explained this tearfully to Jake and that it felt like someone had pulled the rug out from under me response what this, "then your standing on the wrong rug."

How can seven simple words be so profound and change everything so quickly? Had I not learned two years ago? God does the impossible and His plan IS ALWAYS BETTER THAN OURS.  So I will remember where he has brought me from, I will rest on His rug and rest in his assurances.

Jeremiah 29:11